Out of the Fog: Post-Divorce Coping Strategies When Your Children's Father Has a Personality Disorder #Review
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From the author:
Ending a marriage or a serious relationship is never easy, especially when children are involved. Even in the most amicable of break ups, people are certain to experience intense emotions like anger and sadness. When the former partner is a narcissist or has another serious personality disorder, moving on from the relationship is especially challenging. People who finally found the courage to leave their emotionally abusive partner may feel discouraged by having to remain in contact with him due to the kids. These exchanges can be as crazy making as they were when the victim of emotional abuse still lived with her former partner.
Author Lisa Kroulik divorced a narcissist over five years ago and lived to tell about it. As with her previous books, she uses an example from her own past relationship to show readers the types of situations they may encounter while attempting to co-parent with someone who has a personality disorder. Before doing so, she offers a helpful guide on the ten known personality disorders to assist women who are emotionally struggling in the aftermath of ending an unhealthy relationship. It is affirming for readers to know there is a name to describe the way their children's father still behaves.
After highlighting the characteristics of each personality disorder, the author discusses situations she has dealt with in the years since her divorce from her children's father. Recently separated readers may find themselves nodding in agreement, or they may remember the story later when their former partner attempts the exact same thing. Some of the topics Lisa Kroulik discusses include:
• Dealing with the ex's new girlfriend
• Communication tips when dealing with the personality disordered
• Child support challenges
• Providing children tools to handle their father's emotional manipulation
• Relationships with former in-laws
• Getting past feelings of hate
The author offers readers practical advice on what to do in these common situations without giving power to the former partner. She takes a humble, been there and done that approach to everything she shares in this book. Rather than count down the days until their child becomes an adult, readers can learn to detach from the crazy and enjoy life. After all, it is pointless to leave an emotionally abusive relationship only to continue the cycle in post-divorce parenting.
After reading the book: I was divorced in 2006 and we separated on not so good terms but not because of any form of violence or disorders. Not to get too much into my back story but my mom passed away in 2002 and I had issues dealing with that, chose to close everyone out and push those close to me away. I was married to my first husband for about 2 years when she passed. He stayed around and waited for me to deal with things but after over a year he finally decided he didn't want to stay. When we first separated I was not for it, I didn't agree with it, and I didn't understand it. The only thing I truly had real issues with was how he left, he left a note one afternoon and that was kinda it. It wasn't until later that I could look back at it and realize the damage I had caused. Fast forward a few months into our separation, I was fine with him not being around, I was able to go on with my life, and with the kids. There were some difficult times but I don't hold any type of grudge or dislike him or any of that. I never tried to keep the kids from him although when he moved on it was a little stressful to welcome someone new into the "family." That is probably the most difficult part.
So onto the book review....I could not personally relate to the personality disorders from my ex husband however my current husband does have two children with his ex, and she suffers from something. She has been miserable and keeps things miserable between all of us and it really does take a toll on our marriage as well as my role as a step mother to them. Since I have been in her position I try to sympathize with her and how she chooses to act and throw attitude around but there is only so much. I have been the bio mom and have had to deal with learning to deal with the new parent, I have dealt with dealing with time sharing and kids stuff going back and forth. I have dealt with child support and courts and all those aspects of the divorce. So on that level I can relate. While reading through the book I can see parts of his and her relationship and how it is dealt with. I can also relate to the book and the author because I have a good friend that I stuck with through her separation from her sons father. He was abusive mentally and physically and at first I could not really understand how you let someone treat you like that, but being when her often I could see how and why it went on for so long. You kinda get stuck and feel you have nowhere to go. It's a horrible cycle, it really is.
This book is overall written well and can be a good source for anyone going through divorce or any kind of separation, with or without the personality disorders. It is very informative and easy to follow along with and understand.
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