For The Failing Mom

I have been a mom for almost 15 years....WOW! That time has flown by. 

Parenting is not easy. From pregnancy, into labor, and well after the kids are gone, which is not too far off for my older kids. Parenting is a 24/7, everyday job. Parenting can be awesome! And parenting can be something that can suck the life out of you just.like.that. 

My oldest son was the perfect baby. No late nights. Not much crying. He was just happy and content with everything and nothing at the same time. Then came my second son and I assumed it would be about the same. 
I was wrong! 
He was up all the time it seemed, day and night. There was no "nap when the baby naps," because he NEVER napped! When he would finally pass out after hours and hours of crying I had the house to catch up on or the oldest to spend some time with. He would not breastfeed, he would not take formula, I was literally at my wits end. I didn't know what to do with him. His doctor said it was colic and would "take some time but go away." It didn't. Whatever it was lasted months! 
Long, tiring, doubt myself as a parent months! 
I could not understand how I could love this child so much but he just wouldn't give me a break. As far as feeding, we tried everything, his doctor told us to try different ways of holding for breastfeeding, try different brands and sensitivities of formula, we tried. Eventually after thinking he just needed to eat he drank milk. Whole milk, yes, it goes against everything I was told. But he was hungry, I was out of options, and his doctor said as long as he was not getting sick and is drinking/eating then he could have it. That was not the end of the late nights, was not the end of the crying, was just a resolution to feeding. The phases I was told he was going through lasted well into his 2nd year. 
I felt as a parent I was failing. 
Now the oldest boys are almost 14 and 15. The same still exists. My oldest is still the same as he was when he was a baby. He can entertain himself, follow rules, and take care of things he needs to take care of. My second son is also the same as he was when he was a baby. He does sleep better thankfully but I am constantly going on about pick this up, your bed can not have that much stuff on it, you can't act like that, etc. 
I feel like as a parent I am failing. Again, I wonder how can love this child this much and he does everything in his power to do the opposite of what he is supposed to do. 

But I am not failing, and if you are reading this and can relate then you aren't either. 

Parenting is hard. 

You understand that not all kids are the same. You learn that not all parenting advice is for you, you nod and smile. You learn to sleep less. You learn to have alot of patience. You learn you are not the only mom that feels like she is failing. Parenting is probably one of the most difficult jobs you will have. You are not alone. We all have a little struggle.