My Sons First Girlfriend

November 02, 2015




Well not his first but his real first. He had a couple girlfriends in elementary school but now it's an actual girlfriend. 
He is currently living at his fathers house for the school year, the school is a little better in that area so we met her on Halloween. He called and asked if it was ok if his friend came along. Well of course! We often let the kids bring friends along, the more the better. I would much rather the kids, and their friends, want to hang out at our house or go do whatever it is we are doing instead of running around the neighborhood or sitting inside playing on phones and consoles. 

After a night of trick or treating, a few weeks went by and he was officially her boyfriend. I was kind of hoping he would take the slow road when it came to girls but his father never really did and he has always been more into hanging out with girls than boys. The father does not approve of the dating too much but allows it. Hopefully nothing happens to make him disapprove of it anymore. They are only 14 so I just don't want this to be overwhelming.  
I have to admit I was a little unprepared for him having an actual girlfriend. It's been lightly discussed because of his elementary girlfriends but there have been no actual rules or ideals addressed. *oops* on our part as parents. I should have talked to him before this point but I don't know, just lost track of time. Plus with him living at his dads I just didn't think about it. 
So now here we are, he has a girlfriend. Hopefully it will be a good experience for everyone involved. 
His father has talked to him about sex, and school has given their speeches about it, but I remember when I was starting out with boyfriends and to be honest I just never paid too much attention to the talks. I understood what was being said but that was about as far as it went. So if he is anything like me he will listen but still do his own thing, most teens do anyways. I just hope he does not rush into anything. I hope they both like hanging out together and neither of them puts any pressure on the other. I hope they have a good positive influence on each other. 

So here are a few tips to get you prepared, unlike me

1. Start early. Talk to your kids whenever they show interested in having a relationship. Even if they are in elementary school. Set some goals for them. Tell them to set their standards at a good level. You don't want them to have super high standards at the same time you don't want them to have none. 

2. Rules. Set up some basic rules. Even if they are younger, start them with simple rules for dating and change them as they grow. Rules should cover places they are hanging out, curfews, phone etiquette and texting, avoiding any kind of peer pressures, as a couple or individuals. 

3. Trust. This is a huge thing! You have to trust your child. They have to trust you. Set rules and expectations. Allow them to make some of the decisions on their own. Trust that they will make good decisions. 

4. Be open and available. Allow your kids to talk to you openly. Don't pressure them but leave the floor open for discussion....all the time! If they make decisions that turn out to be not so good just be there to listen and offer help or ideas. 

Wish us luck! 
Are any of your kids starting to date? 


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23 comments

  1. Yes, it sneaks up you! My daughter is 30 and I can remember this first relationship clearly. Hang in there and your advice is wonderful!

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  2. hah, it's so cute that he has a little girlfriend. Your tips are really good because it's never to early to treat your kids like adults, even if they are younger. Great post xx felinebykatsaris.com

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  3. I have two young daughters... I'm already dreading the teenage dating years. It is such an emotional roller coaster being a teenager, now add in romance. Oye. I'm enjoying this season of parenting while it lasts! ;) Thanks for the look ahead and the tips!

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    1. Adding in relationships is a huge oye lol.

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  4. Great tips. It's still a long way away for me with a four year old, but they apply to most things in life. Setting rules and establishing trust is so important in any relationship.

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  5. I don't have kids yet, but this is an interesting read.

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  6. This is amazing. I had my first boyfriend when I was 14 and it lasted for 8 years. Wouldn't change a thing but I think with my kids I will want them to keep it a bit more casual until they are almost 30. Dating these days is a bit of a nightmare lol.

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  7. Great tips! I'm entering these waters now with my oldest going into high school this fall. I think the most important thing to me is to make sure he knows that he can talk to me about anything he needs to or ask me any questions he wants without me getting mad or judgemental.

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  8. I have a 14 year old daughter and although she's so consumed with her band activities that she doesn't even think of boys, I still have talked with her several times.

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    1. My oldest is 15 and just wants to deal with high school so he hasn't gotten into the girl stuff yet. That will change soon enough.

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  9. No dating going on here yet. Hopefully not soon! Great tips thank you!

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  10. I don't have children, but I remember the talk my parents had with me. I was so young. I didn't really understand it, but it definitely keep me from wanting to do anything with those yucky boys. lol

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  11. Oh gosh, I have a seven month old and I have this feeling he's going to be a ladies man like his dad. He's already a little charmer and I have a feeling that is going to spell trouble later on. Great advice!!

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  12. What a lovely read ! I can imagine what it means for a mother to let go ! You wanna see your children happy , that's the most important thing . I am always joking with my friends , who have got kids at that age . Isn't it just wonderful , how you see your kids growing up and become adults ? I think , you gave some great advice here , thanks for that !

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  13. I dread the day that my kids start dating. It's a scary prospect thanks for the tips

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  14. 13 year old girl at our house.... and she is so obsessed with horses that Im hoping the dating thing is a ways off. We have talked about it a little, but ugh. I want her to stay "little" forever!

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  15. Lol really cute! Yes, open communication is very important to the kids and actually for the family or any relationships. It's better that kids will open-up first to the parents instead of reaching out to other people.

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  16. I have a 14 year old son. He's only shown interest in asking one girl oUT so far. She said no but they are still friends so I'm glad he's handling it well. It totally snuck up on us too. Right now he's focused on sports and school. This girl is on his track team so he sees her everyday and I still wonder if they will date one day. No pressure, I'm not ready for it. He can take it as slow as he wants!! :)

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  17. young love one of the sweetest but also toughest experiences we all go through. Good luck, my children are all grown and my grands are to young to be in love as of yet
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  18. Oh man...this makes me nervous at how fast time flies. Good point in setting some goals and expectations early.

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  19. It happens so fast. My husband and I have rules and expectations and both of our kids are very aware of them. Well, not so much for my 19 year old son but I hope that our expectations in the past help him make smart decisions now.

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  20. Oh Lord my son is only 3 & I already know the whole girlfriend thing is going to drive me insane.

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  21. no kids for me but my friends with little kids already talk about preschool boyfriends and girlfriends.

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