The Not So Perfect Teen {raising teens}

April 04, 2016



I have been on a quest to find information on kids that are not phased by consequences. After reading through site after site I have found there is not alot really on how to deal with a not so "normal teen." For the smart teens that just don't apply themselves. For those teens who are given so much but don't ever acknowledge it. For those teens who think their parents are just being mean. For the rebellious teens that just want to make their own decisions. Saying you have a teen that does not fit into the mold of so many others is a difficult thing to do. I totally get that! 



I have spent so much time questioning my parenting because my son does not fit in like the rest. He does whatever he can to push the limits are far as he can. Not just with me but with other family and at school. He does things that make me wonder where it comes from. He does things that make me wonder if I taught it to him or make him react to things the way he does. I worry about how other people are going to perceive him. I worry about how other people will perceive me. I worry about how people will question me as a parent. 
I still have a few years to work with him on how he chooses to live his life. But it has made me come to the realization that parents don't openly admit when they have a teen that goes off on a totally different track. I get that he should be able to make his own decisions and learn from them but some of these decisions he is making could potentially cause long term consequences. Do I allow him to continue to do whatever he wants with the same consequences he has always had, because obviously those don't stick with him. That is why I started trying to find a different way to deal with things with him...and for him. 
Talking about the not so perfect teen is something that needs to be done. You should be able to talk about your son failing a semester in high school Biology, or how one of them sneaks out late at night. Parents should be able to come together and talk about the one that lies about everything. The mom that found her son sexting or the dad that overheard his daughter talking about smoking pot. Some things our teens do are going to be out of our hands but we need to be able to react to it. We all need to learn from it and not be shamed by whatever it is. 
These are things parents should not be shamed for. Yes, once they are of age our children will be able to do these things but they need to understand while they are still younger what is expected of them. Set high expectations but be there if they don't live up to them. Say it's ok to fail in this because this is done so well. It's ok to not be so good in Spanish but excel in, oh I don't know, Calculus. It needs to be ok to have a not so perfect teen. 

Please feel free to leave a comment on what you are having trouble with? What struggles you have overcome? 


You Might Also Like

28 comments

  1. I am teen myself and I know I'm really moody. I go to happy to really sad in second, its so weird. Communication it's important for you and your son, and also making him choose whatever he wants to be. Encouraging and support in the things I do I feel like it's most important to me, so I guess it's similar for him. Also teaching him to love everyone and don't judge is important. That was just my opinion. It's hard to be a teen (or we think it is, not sure) but with little love we can shine. Great post :) Greetings!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I believe that it is very important to try to be close to your son, not to be against him but with him and to support him in his decisions. Show his that you respect his decisions and tell him your concerns. Try treating him as an adult. I wish my mother would have done that when I was a teenager. But she chose the anger path, and now we barely talk. I wouldn't wish you that, it's very hard for both me and her but the string have already been cut I'm afraid...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I always have the impression and in fact, has brainwashed myself to allow kids to fail. I have a 9 and 10 year old boys. It is when I keep counseling them that they sometimes do the opposite so I do let them fail, as long as it does not hurt them physically that is.

    It is how they learn and I suppose as they grow up, a few things that I will definitely be strict about includes but not limited to smoking, drugs, getting someone pregnant, criminal activities.

    http://www.amazinglifedaily.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can relate to much of what you are saying. I have a 23 year old daughter and a daughter who is almost 13. My oldest gave me little to no trouble growing up, but my youngest is going to try my patience immensely. She, too, is one who comes up with things that I cannot fathom and is always pushing to get a reaction. It is encouraging that there are other moms out there who are willing to talk about their questions and doubts when it comes to raising "not so perfect" teens. OK, I know that there is no such thing as the perfect teen. But it's nice to know that other moms struggle with some of the same things that I do. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for sharing this topic with other people. You are a great mother! I wish such a great parents for every children like you. Being teen is hard but with love and concern could be a great period of our life.

    http://pinkpepperparadiseblogger.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Parenting a teenager is never easy, but I think its important find a way to connect with him, listen without judging, giving advice and support him. Thanks for sharing such a great post!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You know it's so true. We see a not-so well behaved child and roll our eyes at the parent before we consider the reasons behind the behavior. The same could be said for teens. Whatever the 'bad' behavior, we shame the parents. Now there probably are some parents you could blame but not all. I am guilty of this mindset myself but I've recently been close to a family with this 'type' of teen. They are hard headed beings, often indescribable. All you can do is be the best you can and hope they have their grown up epiphany sooner than later.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I may not have a teen yet. But I was a teen a couple of years ago. The best thing that my parents did was consistently communicate with me. They taught me and showed me what I could and couldn't do. They told me that what they're doing was for my benefit and that one day, I will thank them for all the things that they did.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't have teenagers yet but I am definitely preparing for these issues and how to address them when the time comes. I am realizing that having involved parents is a big key to starting communication when the issues arise.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My oldest is 11 and he is already so sassy. I am kind of dreading what he's going to be like when he's a teen.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have stepkids and right now, this is not something I've had to deal with (however, there are many challenges that come with stepparenting). I was a teenager, though and it's hard. I hope I don't overstep, but sometimes teens need to speak to someone who is not their parent. He may need a counselor and it could benefit him tremendously. Thinking good thoughts for both of you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My 10-yr-old son is not phased by consequences either...We have a great relationship and he is a fairly good kid but when I do have to punish him or take something away it's just not a big deal to him.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I feel that parents should not have such high expectations of children because the kids will end up echoing that sentiment. Growing up I had a rough childhood but I survived because I was optimistic and worked hard. In my teenage years I did rebel but there was always reasons behind them.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I imagine this is something so many parents think about -- especially once they reach teen years. They have a mind of their own, and after a certain age, you can only do your best to influence them positively!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think its totally ok to have a not so perfect teen. I was one of those teens, but I changed a lot through life and now I'm a decent person :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. My biggest fear about being a parent is not being able to establish a good relation and connection with my (future) kids. Parents should always be there for their children, mostly during the "teen age".

    ReplyDelete
  17. I can't imagine how hard this is. I have a little bit younger kids and I have one that follows the rules easily and one that tries to push the limits. I am nervous about the future.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I heard it is not easy parenting a teen and I have witnessed my friends going through a rough time when their kids turned to teenagers. Kudos to you in trying to educate yourself and reach out to him!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Raising teens who are not phased by consequences is such a hard thing! I have one of those in my house too!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sometimes it can be hard to figure out why teens do some of the things that they do, but I feel that communication is key no matter what you and your kids are going through at the time.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think there is a lot of pressure on parents to be "perfect" which is why information like this isn't being shared. I can see why people might be embarrassed about talking to their friends about this but I'm surprised that more people haven't turned to the internet with these issues before!

    ReplyDelete
  22. If I'm anything to go by, raising teens is a hard job. I'm just glad my two aren't there yet. Thanks for the heads up though.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I have a 15 year old know it all and it bugs me sometimes. I realize that he's now of the age where he's influenced by friends and I would love to get my little boy back. We however have a great relationship where we can talk about anything and for that I'm happy.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am definitely nervous for the teen years. I think definitely finding a support system is important, and definitely don't be afraid to speak out, because it will most likely help others.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I agree it's okay to not be perfect! I'm surprised this is so taboo.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Thank you for being so honest, raw and open! I have a lot of years until we reach that but I know each child is different. Best of luck!

    ReplyDelete
  27. my daughter is turning thirteen in a couple weeks and I pray that we have a fairly easy road. I am not naive enough to think we won't have bumps but just want to keep them to a dull roar ;)

    ReplyDelete
  28. I was just like this as a teenager, most are like it and I don't believe it's anything to worry about!

    ReplyDelete

Collaborations With

Collaborations With

Subscribe