I have been on a quest to find information on kids that are not phased by consequences. After reading through site after site I have found there is not alot really on how to deal with a not so "normal teen." For the smart teens that just don't apply themselves. For those teens who are given so much but don't ever acknowledge it. For those teens who think their parents are just being mean. For the rebellious teens that just want to make their own decisions. Saying you have a teen that does not fit into the mold of so many others is a difficult thing to do. I totally get that!
I have spent so much time questioning my parenting because my son does not fit in like the rest. He does whatever he can to push the limits are far as he can. Not just with me but with other family and at school. He does things that make me wonder where it comes from. He does things that make me wonder if I taught it to him or make him react to things the way he does. I worry about how other people are going to perceive him. I worry about how other people will perceive me. I worry about how people will question me as a parent.
I still have a few years to work with him on how he chooses to live his life. But it has made me come to the realization that parents don't openly admit when they have a teen that goes off on a totally different track. I get that he should be able to make his own decisions and learn from them but some of these decisions he is making could potentially cause long term consequences. Do I allow him to continue to do whatever he wants with the same consequences he has always had, because obviously those don't stick with him. That is why I started trying to find a different way to deal with things with him...and for him.
Talking about the not so perfect teen is something that needs to be done. You should be able to talk about your son failing a semester in high school Biology, or how one of them sneaks out late at night. Parents should be able to come together and talk about the one that lies about everything. The mom that found her son sexting or the dad that overheard his daughter talking about smoking pot. Some things our teens do are going to be out of our hands but we need to be able to react to it. We all need to learn from it and not be shamed by whatever it is.
These are things parents should not be shamed for. Yes, once they are of age our children will be able to do these things but they need to understand while they are still younger what is expected of them. Set high expectations but be there if they don't live up to them. Say it's ok to fail in this because this is done so well. It's ok to not be so good in Spanish but excel in, oh I don't know, Calculus. It needs to be ok to have a not so perfect teen.
Please feel free to leave a comment on what you are having trouble with? What struggles you have overcome?